Saturday, March 05, 2011

4 Years Ago ( A Heavy Burden)

4 years ago today I was in an "it's complicated" relationships.  Of course neither of us were good for the other.  We had a way of loving to fight.  We both had our baggage, and it was really heavy.  The setting was Iraq....we were there.  The rules kept a divide between us.  Many days and sometimes weeks would pass and our schedules never met up.
4 days later I saw his friend in the chow hall and asked how he was doing.  the answer I got was, "Ryan is dead."  I told him, "Don't fu*k with me." and walked away.  But it was true.  He had been killed.

March 5, will always be stuck in my head.  We can ask what if as many times as we want to, or think If only....
but that doesn't change anything in our lives.  We can choose to remember all the good times and remember what made us happy, or we can choose to regret every moment that we held a grudge and every moment that we didn't give someone a chance.  The past is just that - the past.  However, we can make the choice, to forget about it or learn from it.  When someone we care about is suddenly gone, there is nothing that can be done to change that.  We can though, remember all the times that we could have said something or done something differently, and apply that to the future.
when you love someone, you have to let them know.  When someone makes you smile, smile as big as you can.  When you can choose to fight, choose to hug and laugh instead.  Life is too short.  In an instant it can all come crashing down on you and you may never have the chance to say, "I'm sorry....I love are matter to me."
4 years ago, I lost someone special, and although I could never imagine not having Mr. Fantastic in my life now, sometimes I still wonder what if, and that is an awfully heavy burden to carry.
My wish for you is that you never carry that burden.  My wish for you is that you always take the time to make up before you go to sleep, to forgive before you walk out the door, to remember that the little things that upset you are only little things compared to all the good that there is.

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