An Outlet

I suppose I just use this whole blog thing as more of an outlet than anything...it's like having a diary or something. Well, maybe more like having a journal. Today I am really thinking about my poor personality traits. I really don't like myself too much anymore these days. I am always bitter and angry. I click between happy and mad as though changing the television chanel. One minute I am fine and the next minute I am crying and completely believe that the world hates me and I am worthless. Half the time I can't bring myself to do the dishes or clean the bathroom until it is so bad that I have to use paper plates or can't take a shower because all the dishes are in the bathtub. If there is no conversation to be had with my boyfriend, I assume it is my fault because I am uninteresting and he doesn't really love me. Why must I be so negative? Seems like the only positive in my life is scrapbooking these days. Some days that is not even positive though because I don't think my pages are good enough. I don't get praised for them on the sight I post them too, and then I can only see them as ugly, or as I see myself; not good enough. Arrrr! I wish I could not click out of these crazy mood swings and depressed state for good.

Scrapbooking: an addiction, an antidepressant

The other day at work I starting typing. when I finished, I read what I had typed....

I am typing just to type right now because everyone is in the office across the hall and can tell if I am “working” or not. Of course they can not see my
computer screen or anything, but they can see my actions. If I at least
keep typing this entire time that they are over there, it makes it look like I
am actually working and doing stuff. I have no real urgent work to do and
I'd rather be home scrapbooking, so I do not actually want to tell them that I
have no real work to do. If I tell them that, then they will give me work
to do and I will have to actually do it instead of messing around. I love
love love looking at scrapbooking on Two Peas. I totally am addicted to
it. I really seriously do mean addicted, too because I do it every waking
moment that I have. I go to work and do it all day (of course I do a
little work here and there), and then I go home and get online and do it until
my eyes hurt and I know that I have to sleep or else... Do they make rehab
for that? Haha! No, seriously though! I think I need rehab for
it….wait, no, I don’t need rehab. If I went to rehab I would have to
change my ways. I definitely do not want to change my ways. I love
love love it and I do not want to stop doing it by any means. They can’t
make me stop! They just can’t do it! Hmmm….I should really print
this out and use it for a scrapbook page about scrapbooking! That’s not a
bad idea. See, I told you I am addicted. I am getting that
scrapbooker’s mentality. I think of things in terms of scrapbooking.
I take pictures in terms of scrapbooking. I see things in terms of
scrapbooking. I eat, breath, and dream scrapbooking. Scrapbooking is
the absolute best thing. Okay, okay, not the best thing because we all
know that the best thing in my life is Dakota, but it is in my top ten.
Family and friends have to be rated before it, or I wouldn’t even have anything to scrapbook about. I think Dakota might be getting tired of me talking about scrapbooking all the time though! Let’s just take a moment to think about it though. Color, shapes, design, creativity, beauty, love, fun….
And on and on and on. What is there not to love about it? It keeps
me so busy that the time goes by so fast, and then I don’t have a whole lot of
time left to be sad and depressed and angry about my current life
situation. It keeps the clock ticking down until Dakota comes home from
Iraq; not that I will stop when he gets home! It is an outlet for my
frustrations, a source of excitement and a documentation of all the truly great things about life. It helps me to think in term of goodness. There
are positive things in my life and scrapbooking proves it. Scrapbooking is
re-living the good. It is my antidepressant.

I liked it so much that I have been using it alot. I added it to my profile at Two Peas even.

Antonio

So, I have been watching HGTV's Design Star and have been completely envious of all of them for the last while now. After going on vacation I realized that I missed so many episodes. No good. Lucky for me they had last weeks show re-run today! Hooray. Except my girl got her show canceled. Tonights show just so happened to be the finale. Competition was down to Dan and Antonio. Dan had some good designs, but they always seemed typical. Besides that, I don't really care for his camera personality. Antonio is wild. That is the absolute only way to describe him. He is totally his own person and has amazing designs even though he never even went to school for design. My vote was going to Antonio even before I saw his finished house tonight.
So I began watching the show only to find Dan useing excessive lilac and mirrors. Antonio really shook things up like always, and HE WON! Hooray! Antonio's show is going to be so much fun! I can't wait to see it. Next week....Antonio does his own home. Good luck!

Sitting in the middle of the living room

Happy Sunday! A week and a half ago, my sweetie and I got back from vacation. We spent 16 days in Australia and it was amazing. Between the two of us, we took 1011 pictures (not including the underwater camera). Naturally, it was time to downsize that collection. I uploaded the really important ones and sent them off to Kodak for developing. Now I am sitting in the middle of my living room surrounded by over 470 pictures of our fairytale adventure! The task that lies ahead of me is documenting it all. I have one scrapbook, 470 pictures, and 2 months before Dakota comes home from Iraq! I am going to be so busy!