Monday, September 28, 2009
I suppose I just use this whole blog thing as more of an outlet than anything...it's like having a diary or something. Well, maybe more like having a journal. Today I am really thinking about my poor personality traits. I really don't like myself too much anymore these days. I am always bitter and angry. I click between happy and mad as though changing the television chanel. One minute I am fine and the next minute I am crying and completely believe that the world hates me and I am worthless. Half the time I can't bring myself to do the dishes or clean the bathroom until it is so bad that I have to use paper plates or can't take a shower because all the dishes are in the bathtub. If there is no conversation to be had with my boyfriend, I assume it is my fault because I am uninteresting and he doesn't really love me. Why must I be so negative? Seems like the only positive in my life is scrapbooking these days. Some days that is not even positive though because I don't think my pages are good enough. I don't get praised for them on the sight I post them too, and then I can only see them as ugly, or as I see myself; not good enough. Arrrr! I wish I could not click out of these crazy mood swings and depressed state for good.