Tuesday, January 12, 2010

A New Me

I appologize if the following paragraphs make absolutely no sense, if the statements seems silly, or if you just don't get me....

Back in December, I had an overwhelmingly positive outlook for Twenty Ten. I couldn’t place my finger on what exactly caused this new positive attitude though. There were a couple things that might have been part of it….I had finished my application for The Art Institute, Dakota was on his way out of the Army, and I had plans to move away from my depressing job in my depressing little town that I live in. I just knew everything was going to be wonderful. I think I had the expectation that the ball in New York would drop and all of a sudden everything would be perfect in my little world. I must admit, it sounds completely ridiculous and irresponsible to believe in miracles like that.
So what exactly does make for a good start to a brand new year full of possibilities? I hate to admit it, but certainly sitting back and expecting something to just happen is probably not the way to start off. With that said, I need to give myself a swift kick in the butt! That is exactly what I have done with my first two weeks of this new month, this new year, this new decade. Ok, so maybe not exactly….
I have done a couple things that give me a few tally points of goodness. I have considered the "One Little Word” idea, I have considered who and what I want to be, I have taken pictures every single day, and I have ordered a book from amazon.com. So all this thought is somewhat getting me somewhere, but it is only at the thought stage; not the action stage, and it is two weeks into the year already. Two weeks, in the grand scheme of things, is not a very long time, however, if you consider that my thoughts revolve around action and just getting up, going out, and doing….two weeks is a long time to do nothing!
I started out with a list of about 22 words. I slowly began to cross words off the list as I thought more and more about them. I don’t want a word that has any negative possibilities. I don’t want a word that describes new in a way of new life, or starting from scratch. I am a girl in this little world, and at one time I always smiled. At one time I was energetic and positive and nothing could get me down. I miss that girl. Slowly I lost her in the darkness. I need to find her again. I need to find that passion for life again. Four words remain on the list: Alive, Awaken, Emerge, and Open. So….who says I have to narrow it down to ONE LITTE WORD? Who says that I have to follow that current trend and conform to what everyone else is up to? Why can’t I have four words that inspire me to find that girl again?
In a previous post, I mentioned my new favorite color. I love turquoise. I really have no idea how it is possible that I never knew turquoise before in this life. Perhaps it is possible that I knew turquoise in a past life? Maybe in a past life I was a rabbit that looked up into the sky everyday because it was beautiful color, and I knew that someday I would be something bigger and better. Whoa!!! Where did that come from? Ignore that last bit! However though, I even thought about choosing a color instead of a word. What does turquoise mean to me? It means everything to me that those four words mean to me. It describes the sense of me that I aspire to find again. It stirs up inside me the ambition to awaken from my slumber, to emerge from my cocoon, to be open to new possibilities and to be alive!
This year is the one! It is the year I find myself again. I will be me, and not someone else. I will choose to do instead of just simply be. I will surround myself in turquoise. (You are probably imagining me painting my entire house turquoise right now!) I do mean figuratively….I do mean the mental state of turquoise! I will embark on new journeys of discovery….

Now that I have completely lost all of your attention, I have a few lists to share with you:

1. Color of my year

2. Words for my Year

3. Goals for my Year
-Begin (and stick with) school
-Keep a planner/calendar
-Paint a sunflower
-Buy and use to learn a sewing machine
-Take at least 1 picture per day and document them all in a cute little way
-Be much more romantic
-Get and ride a bicycle whenever logical
-Make a scarf I’ve had my eye on (which includes learning how to knit better)
-Finish my military scrapbook and continue with up to date important albums
-At least 4 mini-albums
-Grow my hair to the middle of my back
-blog more often
-Smile every single day
-Take time to breath

Okay, now I am accountable! I have it here in writing. I have it set in stone. These are my goals. Goals are attainable. Goals can be reached. Never give up on your goals! I just know that I will be so much happier now that I have them out in the open. I will see them and reach them. I will use these goals as the stepping stones to successfully live with my color and four words of my year. I will be a better person for achieving them!

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